Crawling on Bended Knees
by wolfpawn
Summary: If you break a mirror, you can always put it back together, but it's impossible not to see the cracks, isn't it. Derek ruins the best thing to ever happen him. Now he has to either fix it, or accept what he had is gone for good. Morgan/Reid established relationship. Don't like, Don't read.
1. The Act

**This will be a short enough four-shot. I'm sorry it's so depressing, I don't like writing this stuff, but it badgers me in my head until I let it out. **

**I don't own CM. **

Derek Morgan stared at the man in front of him. Spencer Reid looked at him with his beautifully large glistening honey hazel eyes. "Spencer, I..." he slurred.

"You what Derek, you tripped and miraculously you fell in a way that caused one hand to go up her top, the other on her ass and your mouths to lock together even though you're six foot tall and she is five-seven with heels on. That's some story to be frank Derek."

"I've had too much to drink." The slightly shorter man admitted.

"You said that was no excuse."

"Sorry?"

"In the past you said that alcohol was not to blame, the person was. Now that it refers to you I guess it's different though, isn't it?" the lithe man snapped.

"Spencer, please, I love you." Derek begged.

"You love me? You dare say that after I saw what was happening in there? Derek you were about to reach down to put your hand up her skirt!"

"What, Spencer, no I…." But he couldn't deny it.

"You knew, you knew how much it hurt when Ethan cheated on me, you saw what it did to me."

"Spencer, please don't compare me to that bastard."

"Compare? There is no comparison Derek, you are a hundred times worse than Ethan ever was. You swore you would never do something like that, he never said anything. He broke no promises."

"Spence, please Pretty Boy."

"You know what makes this worse Derek, you know I hate clubs, you know I despise this music, but I came, I came because I wanted to be here with you. I wanted to show that I was willing to do things you wanted, to show you how much I love, loved you." He corrected.

"Spence, please Prett…"

"Don't you fucking dare call me that; if I ever hear that phrase again it'll be too soon. I am obviously not pretty enough for the great ladies' man Derek Morgan. Was I just a phase you were going through? A sort of early mid-life crisis. You were finished with me now so back to the ladies."

"No, Pre, Spence, never. I love you, I only want you."

"Well you've a fucking funny way of showing it." The younger as good as roared.

Derek winced. He had never seen Spencer this angry in the nine years they had worked together and the four they had been involved romantically. He couldn't say anymore. He could only stand there and take the treatment he knew he deserved.

"And you know what the cherry on top of this dung pile is Derek?" Spencer asked, his tone venomous. Derek only shook his head side to side, frightened of speaking in case of making it any worse thinking of ways to fix it, to make it up to the other man. "I convinced the team to come with me." Derek's eyes widened even further, he looked to where Spencer's were looking, and sure enough, there stood the team, their faces a mixture of horror and anger.

Aaron Hotchner, the undisputed king of the glare had his honed in on Derek. Next to him, a sickened faced Rossi. The man was always a player, but he never cheated on his wives or girlfriends. It was why people still had so much respect for him on a personal level. Alex Blake, the teams newest member seemed fit to come over and tear Derek a whole new nether region. She was friends with Spencer before she joined the BAU and liked the youngest agent. JJ was vibrating with pure rage. And at the end his Baby Girl, puce faced and seething.

They would never forgive him. Spencer had a horrible habit of wiggling his way into your heart when you got below the academic super computer blabber mouth exterior that he seemed to be to the rest of the world and saw the man he truly was. He was kind, caring, sweet, good natured, innocent minded, loveable and just plain good. And he had crushed him; he had made a fool out of him. There was no coming back from this, hell even his own Mamma and sisters were going to be sickened by him.

He looked back around. "I'm sorry. What I did was so wrong. I hate myself for it. Will I ever be able to make it up to you?"

"Even if you could, I wouldn't want you to. I am not going to be a weak little bunny dependent on anyone. Goodbye Derek, from now on, you're agent Morgan, we are not friends and don't even think of talking to me unless it is case related." And he walked off. He passed their friends and work colleagues, and Derek heard him say. "I'm going home. I don't want anyone to drive me and I sure as fuck don't want any sympathy. I will see you all Monday."

"Need a place to stay Kiddo?" Rossi asked.

"No, I am going to my home. He, on the other hand can go anywhere but." His finger pointing back to his now ex-lover.

"Call if you need anything Reid." Hotch stated in his usual stoic tone. The young man pursed his lips, nodded and walked off.

Derek knew he was up Shit Creek without a paddle; he walked over to the group slowly and hung his head.

"You better get the fuck out of my sight Boy." Snarled Rossi, making Derek feel two inches tall.

"Morgan, leave, before I do something I will regret." Hotch seconded.

"Derek Morgan, you are a heartless bastard and you deserve to rot in hell." JJ said through gritted teeth, tears flowing down her face as she pointed her finger in his.

Blake remained calm and collected. "Morgan, we don't know each other all that long, so I can say this with confidence. Annoy him anymore and I will gladly hunt you down like the dog you are."

Derek could barely bring himself to look at the last of the group, but he knew he had to, as he raised his head to look Penelope Garcia in the eye, a harsh sharp noise echoed around them, and a stinging sensation hit him moments later. "You know I love you Derek Morgan, but by Christ I have never hated a person so much in my life. You are worse than his father, worse than that loser before you and worse than anything I could ever have imagined. I never want to talk to you again." large tears magnified even more by her glasses. There was a glistening on her still raised hand and it as then that he realised that he too was crying.

Then, each of his team mates walked away. Derek stood there for longer than he could acknowledge, and knew he was about to see what the depths of hell held.

**More soon. **


	2. The Realisation

Derek Morgan walked in the doors of the BAU slowly and cautiously two days later. It was exactly nine o'clock. He was usually tem to fifteen minutes early for work, but today he came in right on the button. He knew no one would engage him so he felt it best to just get in and do his work. And think about what to say to Spencer to show him he was sorry.

"Agent Morgan, hurry up, there is a case to present; I suggest you come straight to the briefing." Strauss called, walking passed the junior agent.

Derek gulped a dry breathe. He knew he would be facing the team in the near future, but he was hoping not to see them as a collective unit. He walked into the room and noticed JJ and Rossi sitting on either side of Reid like two attack dogs guarding him, Blake and Hotch seemed to be flanking them as though the first defences. He knew he was reading too much into it but he still knew the team witnessed the darker side of him and were not going to let him hurt their beloved genius any further.

Strauss seemed to pick up on the tension as she sat next to where Derek had just sat. Garcia entered the room then holding everyone's tablets, passing them around and almost flinging Derek's one at him. She smiled brightly, ensuring to remove any sign of pity off her face as she handed Reid his paper copy. Derek took the chance to look at Spencer, his dark circles around his eyes looked larger and darker than ever, and his skin was blotchy and around his nostrils looked sore, like he had spent the last two days blowing his nose. Derek knew that in the privacy of their home, Spencer would have broken down and cried, but he was a proud man and did not want any pity so he would remain brave and strong in public, just as his two mentors, Hotch and Rossi did. He had no doubt that the younger mans close proximity to the eldest profiler was more to do with imitating his strong façade rather than anything else.

Rossi was the perfect person in the team to look after Reid at this time, strong, gruff and honest. He came off as blunt and brash but he cared deeply for the kid that hero worshipped him the day he re-entered the BAU and saw him like a surrogate son. Everyone else would be too emotional, except Hotch, but for him to show allegiance publically would be damaging to the team. After the briefing Hotch ended it with his usual "Wheels up in thirty" but today added, "Morgan, can I see you for a moment please?"

Derek followed the unit chief through the bullpen and to his office. As soon as he entered, he closed the door as Hotch closed the blinds. "I don't know what the hell you were doing Friday night, but know this, in case you haven't noticed, the whole team wants your blood. Reid has kept them at bay; he wants to continue on as usual, I will not allow you to stay with him on this trip. You will be stuck with me; Dave is too valuable to the bureau to have held up on an assault of a Federal Agent charge." Derek slunked further in shame, unable to make eye contact with his boss. "You have put the dynamic of this team in jeopardy Morgan, our greatest strength was always in our deep trust and understanding of one another and our ability to work together. Do not engage him unless it is case based and do not do anything to hurt him further. Understood?"

"Yes Sir."

"Good, now get ready to leave, oh and Reid brought one of your go-bags." He indicated to the chair on the far wall of his office where sure enough there was a distinctive black sports bag belonging to him. He picked it up and left.

The flight was awkward; Derek once or twice glanced at the youngest agent who was discussing the different writing styles of the Unsub with Blake, while the rest of the team listened. When he did glance, he could tell the handsome genius could tell he was watching him, but he continued to ignore him.

Upon arrival the team were allocated their different roles and dispersed. He was saddled with JJ at the coroner's office.

"I need to know Morgan, why?"

He knew what she was referring to without even asking. "Because I'm a fucking idiot. It is the worst mistake of my life."

"Why though? There has to be a reason. Did ye fight?"

"No?"

"Did ye break up?"

"No."

"Did he do something similar?"

"No."

"Then why?"

"I, I don't know."

"Bullshit. Were you happy with him?"

"Yeah." The half moment it took for him to answer was not missed by the astute agent.

"What weren't you happy with?"

"Recently he's been distant, not looking me in the eye when talking to me. He's never acknowledged me as his boyfriend in public. I felt as though I didn't matter, like I was something to be ashamed of. Like I wasn't enough."

"And you thought getting your way with some slut would make you feel better? You are a fucking moron Derek Morgan. You should have just spoken to him; he would have been honest with you."

"About what?"

"You'll never know now will you?" she replied bitterly.

For the remainder of the case JJ barely said two words to him, it was obvious she told the others what he had said to her. Though they remained professional, they did not interact with Derek socially.

"Need a lift Boy Wonder?" Garcia smiled when they finally arrived back to Quantico.

"Nah, I'm having dinner with JJ and Will. Thanks anyway Garcia."

"I am aware as I am going too. Hence the offer."

Well then yes please." He walked out of the bullpen without a backwards glance.

Derek went to their shared home and parked up the car. If Spencer was at JJ's he could grab a few things while he was out. Clooney barked as his master returned. "Hey Boy, I know I missed you too, but I messed up." The dog whined. "You'll be staying with Pretty Boy until I sort things out okay boy?" At the sound of the familiar nickname the dog barked and wagged his tail.

He went to the bedroom and looked around, his shirt and pants he had changed out of just before heading out the other night was still on the bed, the sheets looked untouched. He walked to the spare room and looked in, sure enough, the sheets were turned down and the pillows had stains on them indicating where Spencer had cried. What gutted Derek the most though was the pillows were the ones from his side of the bed in the master bedroom. He bit the inside of his cheeks as tears threatened to fall down them. He left the room and went back to the master bedroom. He grabbed his go-bags he knew were almost fully prepared, he just had to add toiletries such as deodorant and toothpaste and as looked in the bag, the tears he had been keeping at bay broke free. Spencer had bought what he had needed. They were fully readied. Kind, sweet, sensitive Spencer had remembered what Derek needed; he'd gotten them for him and packed them. "Spencer, Oh God Spencer, I am so sorry. Jesus I would do anything to show you. I'm such a fucking fool." He cried, banging his fists into his temples in frustration.

"You'll give yourself a concussion doing that." Came a voice from behind him. Recognising it immediately he swung around and came face to face with Spencer.

"I wanted to get a few things. You filled my bags."

"You were out of a few things so I got them for you."

"Thank you."

"Just hurry up and get out." Spencer pushed himself off the door frame he had been leaning on and walked off back downstairs.

Derek silently grabbed a few more things and walked out of the room. He descended the stairs and saw Spencer sitting with his back to him on the sofa.

"I would have told you if you had just asked you know?"

"I know that now. I know I don't deserve to know, but can I ask."

Spencer stood up from the couch and walked over to Derek, holding out something in his hand, Derek put down the bag he was carrying and allowed Spencer to drop the item into his hand.

Tears fell down Derek's face once more and he felt his throat close over choking him as he sobbed. "Rossi had to pull some strings to get us tickets to the Blackhawks versus the Capitals; I was going to ask you after the game."

And he walked off leaving Derek in the hallway holding a platinum thick banded ring with the words "Forever yours" etched on the inside.

**More again soon. Last chapter, will they make up, hell even I haven't decided yet!**


	3. The Admission

**3 months later**

Derek's world had crumbled around him. Spencer moved out of the house four days after his revelation about the engagement ring. Derek stared at the piece of metal more often than was necessarily healthy. But he didn't care. He couldn't care. Spencer was gone, worse than gone; he was gone from his personal life and cruelly dangled in front of him daily in his professional one.

Spencer had reverted back to not joining the team on nights out and instead decided to get another doctorate, taking up his free time. Derek on the other hand had gone for a more destructive approach. He didn't go to the gym as often, instead just sitting around in the home he used to share with Spencer. Every so often even now, he would find little things here and there belonging to Spencer. A book, a pair of odd socks and one time, in the cabinet under the sick in the main bathroom, he even found some of the other man's shampoo, he couldn't force himself to throw it out.

A phone call broke him out of his dazed trance. They were being called on a case, Rossi, Blake and Hotch were already to Quantico, JJ was on her way, but Spencer was stuck at the subway. A lump found its way to his throat, he was the only agent nearby to collect the young doctor, but they had not been alone together since the night Spencer gave him the ring. He jumped out of the chair and locked Clooney in the laundry room, grabbed his go bag and headed out the door.

He could see Spencer grimace slightly when he noticed what car was coming to collect him. He paused for a moment with his hand on the door before opening it and stepping in. "Thank you."

"Any idea where the case is?" Derek asked, he knew better than to strike a personal conversation these days, he was usually met with a stony silence when he did.

"Portland, Oregon. Meaning we're in trouble, it is one of the most dense forest regions in the country. Did you know that Oregon leads the United States in softwood lumber production? In 2001, 6,056 million board feet was produced in Oregon, compared with 4,257 million board feet in Washington, 2,731 million board feet in." Then he stopped realising that not only was he rambling, but who he was rambling too. Derek could see Spencer looking over at him as he drove. He realised he had been smiling and wiped the smile off his face. As they came to a set of traffic lights he stopped and looked over at the lithe man. He gulped loudly as he looked at his large hazel eyes, his hair was growing out again and he looked ivory pale. He saw Spencer bit his lips together before he spoke again. "The, eh, the lights have changed." He said, turning forwards and pointing to the light.

"So how is your doctorate going?"

"Good, thanks." And the silence returned.

"Look Spencer."

"Reid."

Derek looked down sadly and took a sharp breath. "Reid. I know I don't deserve this, but please, can we just talk a little, not even friends, just as workmates. I mean, I heard you talking to Anderson two days ago about your thesis, so please even that would be nice."

"Do you miss my ramblings that much Der-Morgan?" the other asked.

'_More than you'll ever know Pretty Boy'_ Derek thought sadly.

They arrived at Quantico without another word. They got out of the car and headed up in the lift.

The case was long and tedious, and for some reason, for the first time since everything happened, Derek found himself paired with Spencer for the most part of the case. They remained silent unless necessary, but thankfully, it wasn't an awkward one. They arrived back to Quantico exhausted and worn out.

"You know, if Helen Mirren was in my bed now I wouldn't be able to salute her as I crashed onto it." Rossi commented.

"Rossi, I didn't know you were into cougars?" Derek laughed. The team had once more begun to talk civilly to him, and after a while the bridges began to repair. The one that took longer than most was Garcia. The whole team had known of Spencer's plan to propose, but none was more excited than Garcia about it. She knew the two men had been made for each other, so for Derek to ruin it had nearly crushed her as much as it did Spencer. Especially as she had to help rebuild the younger man's confidence after such a brutal blow.

"Derek, if you want to be a smart ass, then first you have to be smart, otherwise you're just an ass." Receiving a few cheers off the team. "Besides Helen is a beautiful woman."

"You got that right, if I look half that good at her age." Blake commented to an agreeing JJ.

"Everyone go home and get some sleep." Hotch ordered, bolting passed then to the elevator.

"Guess who got a text saying Beth is still awake and he may get some?" Rossi said out of the side of his mouth, causing JJ and Garcia to giggle, Blake to roll her eyes and Derek to grin widely. As they too headed to the lift. "Anyone seen Reid?" Rossi queried as he noticed their youngest missing.

"He left about five minutes ago." Derek answered, he would know, he'd been staring at him as he left.

"Fair enough." Rossi nodded as they stepped into the elevator.

Derek was driving down out the gate of Quantico when he noticed Spencer walking on the side of the road. He pulled in next to him. "Need a lift?"

"No. Thanks."

"You sure, it could rain?" It was a lousy excuse, but a valid one. Sure enough two heavy droplets landed on the windscreen as he leant over towards the passenger door.

Spencer obviously felt one or two as well because without another word he jumped into the vehicle.

"So where will I drop you?"

Spencer seemed to take a minute to think, "Eh, the subway station will be fine thanks."

"Unless you live five footsteps from a station, not a chance, you'll drown."

"I can swim."

"Figure of speech Pretty Boy."

"Please don't say that name." Spencer said sadly looking at his fidgeting fingers.

"Sorry. Force of habit."

The remained silent for another few minutes. "I live on Corby Street."

Derek gasped, less than two blocks from the home they had shared together for three years. He could throw a football in the backyard and hit Spencer on the head with it. "It's on my way." Spencer furrowed his brow confused. "Again, figure of speech Pre-Spen-Reid."

They arrived at the address and Derek laughed. "You live above the coffee shop, why am I not surprised? You must be in there five times a morning now?"

"I haven't set foot in there since." Spencer stared straight ahead as he spoke. "So that's three months, four days."

"And twenty two hours." Finished Derek.

Spencer just looked at him sadly. "Well thanks for the lift, see you in the morning I guess."

"Yeah, I guess."

Spencer got out of the car and walked up to the door to the apartment. He stopped. "Dammit!"

"Problem?"

"Yeah, my roommate has decided to throw another party."

"Roommate?"

"What can I say, places here are expensive. Could you drop me to JJ's or Garcia's?"

Derek felt an odd sensation in the pit of his stomach. "Sure. Get in."

"Sorry about this."

"So a roommate?"

"Yeah, he's a total ass, but I can't find anything else in the area."

An awkward silence ensued.

"What have you around your neck?"

"Sorry?"

"Around your neck, you have a silver chain, you hate chains."

_Damn it, I thought I tucked it in._

"Something to remind me of the life I should have had." He looked to the side. Spencer looked as though he was baffled beyond belief. So he pulled it out. There, dangling off the chain was the ring.

"Why do you still have that and why do you have it on a silver chain?" Spencer's eyes glistened tears.

"To remind me every day of what I screwed up. And the silver chain is not worthy of the platinum, that too is a reminder." Derek fiddled with it as he looked ahead of him.

"This was a mistake, please let me out. I'll walk."

"Pretty Boy it's pouring."

"Please stop calling me that." Spencer shouted. "Let me out." Derek pulled over and Spencer went to get out, but the door wouldn't open, he tried several times to open it but it wouldn't budge. "Why is it this hard?"

"Spen-Reid, you only have to unlock the door."

"I'm not talking about the fucking door."

"What then?"

"This, us. I want to forget about us, I want to get on with my life, but I can't all I can think about is how much I still love you and how much I miss you." The tears began to flow.

Derek bit his lip. "I love you too." He said quietly.

"Yeah well, you'd a very peculiar way of showing it."

"I messed up."

"No Derek, you fucked up."

"Please Spence, give me another chance. My life is hell without you. Hell, look at me, I'm after gaining fifteen pounds since you left. I don't care about myself or anything anymore, I just want you back."

"Yeah, well whose fault is that? Eidetic memory Derek, I never get to forget, no matter how I try." Spencer unlocked the door and walked off into the rain. Derek's knuckles gripped the steering wheel so tight they went white as he cried again at the monstrous mistake he had made.

**Okay, I've decided to add a fourth and final chapter.**


	4. The Confrontation

Derek walked into the bullpen the next day, with Spencer's favourite coffee in hand. He placed it on the agent's desk when he noticed he wasn't in yet and on the side of it, was a little folded note. _It's exactly how you like it. Derek_. He walked to his office and waited. Spencer had admitted he still loved him, so he was going to make it up to him whatever way he could to try and fix them, it was worth a shot wasn't it?

An hour later he walked through the bullpen and as he passed through he looked at Spencer's desk. He saw the doctor working his way through his files. The cardboard holder and the note had been removed from the cup. The younger man looked at him for a moment, before looking down again. He walked to the break room to refill his coffee cup. As he watched the cream mix with the milk he felt a presence behind him.

"Thanks for the coffee, but don't do it again." he looked round at the other man.

"I'm sorry, I went into the coffee shop and asked for the usual, she, uh, gave me both of ours."

"You went to the one under where I live?"

"Well you were at JJ's or Garcia's so…"

"Well just leave it at that." And with that he walked off again, before coming in again. "Forgot my coffee." And he held up the mug he had been holding. Derek held up the pot and poured it to exactly where the younger man liked it, then handed him the sugar. "Thanks."

"Anytime."

Two days later, he returned from the nearby Delicatessen with Spencer's favourite sub. Spencer looked out at the proffered food. "I heard you tell JJ you forgot your lunch, and that you had too much to do, so I got you some."

"Thanks, but please don't do it again." Derek nodded sadly, and walked back to his office. As he went up the steps he looked around at Spencer and saw the man eating the sub with a conflicted look on his face, before looking towards Derek. Once he realised the older man was looking at him, he stared down again at the food. Derek sighed as he headed back to his office.

Forty minutes later he heard a knock on his door. "Come in." David Rossi walked into the office with a peculiar look on his face. "Rossi, what's up man?"

"Has something happened with you and Reid in the last few days?"

Derek looked at the older man stunned. "Not really, I accidently ended up ordering his coffee the other day and I got him a sub today because I heard him tell JJ he had forgotten to get himself something, why?"

"He's in Hotch's office now discussing a transfer, apparently he's tried but he can't do this."

Derek felt himself becoming light headed. "No, this can't be happening, I can't lose him altogether."

"Maybe a clean break as opposed to what's been happening is best. You can get on with your lives then."

"On with my life? Rossi I'm nothing without him."

"On the contrary, I would say you're another twenty pounds more of something without him. What the hell have you been eating?"

"Everything and anything."

"Have you been working out?"

"No."

"Morgan, that isn't healthy."

"What's the point? I only wanted to look good for him, so that then I could at least understand why a handsome intelligent guy like him would even look at me twice. It was the only reason I was comfortable when we…"

"Morgan, I'll say the same thing to you as I did to him, I don't want to know."

"I can't lose him altogether Rossi, I just can't."

"Well then, you better do something about it."

"I thought you wanted my head for what happened?"

"I did, it was a very stupid lapse of judgement on your part, but you're clearly very sorry. Both of you are as miserable as fuck. It's ruining both of you and I for one am sick of watching you both breaking apart at the seams."

"What can I do?"

"Talk to him about it, out of work. Do you need his address?"

"No, I know where he lives." Rossi's eyebrows rose high. "I dropped him thereafter the last case."

"Well then you better think of what you're going to say and get ready for it later." And with that the eldest profiler left.

Derek spent the day doing exactly what Rossi had suggested. It was seven thirty when Hotch was at his office door. "Morgan, why are you still here? The team are gone home with an hour."

"Shit, sorry, I didn't know. Are they all gone?"

"Everyone but you and I, and I'm out of here now. Beth is collecting Jack from Jess's and we are heading for dinner. What plans have you?"

"Dinner and TV."

"Morgan, don't take this the wrong way, but when were you last at the gym?" The younger of the two men shrugged his shoulders and said nothing. Hotch sighed. "Come on, let's get outta here."

Derek drove the road home slowly. As soon as he came to Corby Street he stopped the car. He never realised how close he came to Spencer every day without even knowing it. He pulled in the car and decided it was either now or never. He went up to the apartment door and knocked. There was a shuffling noise from within and then the door opened.

"Derek?"

Derek pushed himself inside, and crashed his lips to Spencer's. The lithe agent pushed as hard as he could to get Derek off him. "Don't transfer."

"What are you talking about?"

"Rossi, he said you were going to transfer, don't please. I know I messed up, but you love the team, they are your family. I know it would kill you to be without them."

"Derek, I have no idea what you are on about."

"You didn't go to Hotch today about a transfer?" The other just shook his head. "Rossi said you did."

"I never even spoke to Hotch today. He was in meetings with Strauss most of the day."

"Rossi said."

"Rossi is an interfering asshole." Then Spencer looked down and noticed they were still in each other's arms and went to pull away. "Derek, please."

"I don't know if I can."

"You have to accept this Derek, it's for the best."

"How? We're both miserable and we still love each other, how is it right for us to be apart?"

"Because something wasn't working, I don't know what, but you wouldn't have….if you were happy." Derek's heart broke when he looked at the younger man, unable to say what he had done. The hurt was still there.

"Spencer, please, I beg you. Please, give me another chance. I fucked up, and I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

"I can't let myself get crushed like that again."

"I promise. I can't ever see you like that again. I'm sickened by myself for what I did to you. Amazing, beautiful, smart and kind Spencer, I want to suffer for being the one to make you cry. I love you so much; you are everything to me, please."

"I'm scared."

"I know, and I am so sorry. Please." He pulled Spencer into him, speaking into his neck, causing the younger man to inhale shakily.

"I…I can't." He pulled away. "Please, Please Derek, just leave." His voice shook.

"You know where I am Spencer. Please think about it. I love you too much not to try this." He walked out the door and left Spencer to his thoughts.

Two hours later Derek was sitting on his sofa, in a pair of sweat pants and a torn old t-shirt, finishing a large pack of jerky and Doritos with one hand and in the other, he was fiddling his ring, when he heard a key in the door. He jumped up. There standing in front of him was Spencer. "Spence?"

"You look like shit Derek."

"I know."

"Is that what you call a dinner these days?" he nodded shamefully. "Derek." His voice was almost pleading.

"Don't. Why are you here?"

"This isn't healthy."

"What do you mean?"

"When were you last at the gym? When was your last proper meal?"

"Who cares, I can still do my job."

"I care, you always took pride in yourself Derek, and you had confidence by the bucket load. But now you are a shell and that's not healthy." Spencer was exasperated.

"You can talk. When was the last time you mentioned Dr. Who? When was the last time you watched your Star Wars films?" Derek was frantic.

"I had my heart crushed by the only man I ever truly loved." Spencer's voice became a yell.

"And I crushed both our hearts" Derek raised his to match it, tears flowing freely down his face. "And I get the privilege of spending the rest of my life knowing I was the one who caused it. That is what has been eating me. I could have handled it if it was a mutual decision, or if it just wasn't working. But I destroyed something perfect. We'd be planning our wedding now if I hadn't been such a stupid bastard. I have to spend the rest of my life thinking of how I let down the man I wanted to be with until I was old, senile and unable to walk. I wanted to have a family with you. To raise children with you. Going to a museum, and you ranting about some ridiculous fact, as our children and I listen on and try to figure out what the hell you were rambling on about now. I wanted to argue with you about that fucking stupid police box, or TARDIS or whatever the fuck it's called, about whose turn it was to take out the trash. All of that. And I ruined it."

Spencer stood in front of him, mouth only staying shut because he had his lips bitten together. "I'm broken Spencer and I have no one to blame but myself. I love you more than I ever should, and God help me I always will."

"I love you too." Spencer's voice broke as he spoke.

"Then please, I am begging you. Give me another chance. I will get down on bended knees, please, please Spencer. I just want to make you happy."

"You did."

"Let me try again."

"Okay."

"Please, I'll do….Okay?"

"I am sick of trying to live without you." Spencer shrugged his shoulders. "I can't do it. For twenty six years I did, but not anymore. When you kissed me tonight I knew I was still one hundred per cent in love with you."

Derek walked over slowly; part of him was convinced he was dreaming. He reached took Spencer's face in his hands. "My Pretty Boy." He pressed his lips gently to his lithe lovers.

"My Der" Spencer smiled, kissing back. "You're even sexy with love handles."

"Hey!"

**CMCMCMCMCMCMCM**

"It is with great joy I present to you Mr and Mr Derek and Spencer Morgan-Reid" announced Rossi as he raised his glass to the happy couple.

Cheers erupted from all their friends and family as the two men stood smiling at everyone around them.

"Rossi man, if the profiling and bestselling author thing doesn't work out, you have a bright future in wedding planning." Derek laughed.

"You've made me the happiest man alive Pretty Boy."

"Not possible, because that would be me."

"Thank you for taking me back."

"They say you can repair a mirror, but you can always see the cracks."

"I get it; the cracks will always be there." Derek wondered why Spencer had thought to say this now.

"No they won't. I fucked out that mirror and got a new one." They swung around in their dance and Spencer smiled harder. "So no cracks, just perfect." And sealed it with a kiss.

**FIN**

**Thanks to everyone for the reviews. I hope ye enjoyed it.**


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